Woody's Coaching Cliches

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Perspective: Woody's Coaching Cliches

It was a pretty good week for Cobber sports. The Cobber hockey team took a brief hold on first place in the MIAC. The Lady Cobber basketball team held onto a share of the lead in their title race. And our indoor track athletes were finally getting to strut their stuff somewhere other than the crowded Cobber fieldhouse. And Woody called.

Woody considers himself Concordia's gift to the journalism profession. Concordia hopes the profession will not hold that against us.

"Yo, Jer, hear you're having a bad year."

I said our Lady Cobs are 12-4, 9-1 in the MIAC.

"Don't sweat it, you'll snap out of it. Listen I'm working on a new piece. Could turn into a book with a little help from my close friends."

Woody frequently overstates the depth of our relationship.

"It's called `Useful Coaching Cliches - Winning Phrases for Every Coaching Situation.'"

Coaches wouldn't buy a book like that, Woody. We consider ourselves professionals. We like to think of ourselves as teachers of complicated concepts and theories about an intricate game.

"It's maybe not for a literate guy like you, Jer. But a lot of coaches just talk in cliches so I thought they might like this."

Just tell me what you want from me Woody. I got practice in a little while and I have to figure out how to get our team to play with creativity while sticking to the game-plan and staying relaxed while playing with intensity.

"Right. I just need you to listen and see if I got some of this stuff right. For instance. `Ten Cliches to Use When Your Team is Making Mental Mistakes: 1. Our mistakes are killing us.

2. Think out there.

3. Don't think out there. React.

4. Put your mistakes out of your mind.

5. The team with the fewest turnovers wins.

6. Don't be afraid to make aggressive mistakes.

7. We've got to take care of the ball.

8. Don't just stand and stare, move the ball.

9. Don't just pass it to get rid of it.

10.Let's relax and just have fun out there.'"

Hey, Woody, isn't your list a little ripe with contradictions? "Relax, Jer. This isn't a manual for brain surgeons.

Listen, I got more. Here's a list on `Cliches to Motivate Your Team: 1. Be the best you can be, that's all we ask.

2. You are a bunch of gutless wonders.

3. Believing in yourself is the key to success.

4. You couldn't beat the school for the blind.

5. Make your parents proud.

6. Your parents would be ashamed of you.

7. Make your school proud.

8. You are an embarrassment to your school.

9. You'll always regret it if you don't play your best today. This is our biggest game.

10.Let's relax and just have fun out there.'"

I take it you aren't suggesting that a coach use all of these in the same speech.

"Generally not. But you can if you're working with hockey players. Hockey players don't listen to their coaches anyway. Here's a list just for you basketball types. `Cliches for Teaching Defensive Concepts: 1. Play with reckless abandon.

2. Play under control.

3. Get up in people's faces.

4. Don't let people drive on you.

5. Hustle out there.

6. Don't run around like a chicken with its head cut off.

7. Attack on defense.

8. Don't gamble on defense.

9. Play defense like your life depends on it.

10.Let's relax and just have fun out there.'"

As long as you're on the phone, Woody, just between us, you got any help for our team's offense? "Right here. `Ten Cliches for Offensive Excellence.

1. We want to attack them inside.

2. Don't pass up a good shot.

3. Make the defense work.

4. Don't just stand and pass the ball around.

5. Run the plays.

6. Show some creativity on offense.

7. Everyone should feel part of the offense.

8. Know who it is we want to take the shots.

9. Every possession counts.

10.Let's relax and just have fun out there.'"

I used all those last week at St. Thomas and we got beat by two. You got any wisdom on how to deal with a loss? "I got lots of stuff on that. Sometimes I think that's when coaches are at their best. `Ten Cliches to Use After a Loss.' 1. We'll learn from this.

2. Losing is worse than death. You have to live with a loss.

3. Hey, we did the best we could.

4. Practice is at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow. Be taped.

5. It's only a game.

6. You didn't care enough to win.

7. You were too nervous.

8. You were too laid back.

9. You were too aggressive.

10.Next time just go out there and have fun.'"

I don't know Woody. What if our players found out we were using a book of cliches to teach them a game we've told them is so complicated? "Relax, Jer, they already know you're lying. But they're not rude enough to squeal on you."

Thanks Woody. Send me a copy.

No problem. Glad I could help.

These pages are maintained by Jerry Pyle pyle@cord.edu. These articles are copyrighted © and may not be published or reproduced without the express permission of Jerry Pyle.

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