Men, Women, and Tension

2-18-91

It was a pretty good week for Cobber sports. The hockey team won their tenth straight game and earned a chance of making the league playoffs. And the men's basketball team finished their season in a blaze of glory, winning four straight, including two over conference co-champs Gustavus and St. Thomas. The men of Cobberville had a good week.

And, with the usually-winning Lady Cobber basketball team losing twice, there was a chance for the men to prominently bask in the glow of their recent accomplishments.

The hockey and men's basketball players ended their MIAC schedules with a flourish. People took notice. People were happy for these decent young men who found a measure of success after much early-season frustration.

Fans talked about the players having had the courage to come back from being so far down, how they hung in there and proved themselves worthy of their pre-season promise. The players walked a little more proudly, reassured in victory that they were indeed part of a talented team.

And the Lady Cobber basketball team, amidst the sadness of their own defeats, cheered the men.

They did not cheer as star-struck young women, somehow seeking acknowledgment, or meaning to their existence, from some big man on campus. They are not like that.

(Hardly any women are.) Rather, they cheered as a group of accomplished athletes who dearly wanted the men of Cobberville to know the sweet taste of victory, a taste the Lady Cobbers know so well.

They also cheered because winning lessens the risk of tension.

Tension between men's and women's athletic programs across the country are well known and often reported.

Administrators and coaches squabble over budgets, promotions, practice times, modes of travel, you name it. And nearly all of what is written about is just that, squabbles between coaches and administrators.

The tension on a campus between men and women athletes, when there is any at all, is different, more fundamental. Although some of those grown-up squabbles sometimes filter down to players, they seldom shape the relationship between the men and women athletes.

The more fundamental tension tends to surface when one team is winning and another is losing.

At schools where both the men and women are succeeding to about the same degree, there is often a shared experience between the athletes, a sense that they are all traveling the same road. But, where there is wide disparity, there can be an undercurrent of tension that reflects the broader conflict between "male" and "female" values.

A disparity in success between men and women on a campus, like in a marriage, can bring to the surface the same set of feelings and frustrations that made the women's movement so inevitable, and probably perpetual.

Taking basketball as an example, roughly half the nations' campuses have a situation where the men win more than the women. At the other half, of course, the women win more than the men. Both contexts can generate both passionate opinions and silly generalizations about the opposite sex. Here is what sometimes happens.

Where the men win and the women lose: Men's view: This proves our superior tenacity, strength and focus on our objective. It shows that men are more aggressive, more consistent, play with more feel for the demands of battle, and aren't just out here for fun and games. The women's team runs and plays like a bunch of girls, cries too much, doesn't like to mix it up under the boards, and isn't willing to fight for it. They get intimidated and back down.

Women's view: If we have to be a bunch of macho warrior types to win, then it just isn't worth it. We're doing the best we can and that's all we can ask of ourselves.

Men are pigs. They swear too much, fight too much, act like bullies on the floor, and are always trying to show off or dominate someone. We care more about getting along with each other than some stupid won-lost record.

The men yell at their teammates all the time. Is that success? I wonder if they would like to compare their grade point averages with ours.

Where the women win and the men lose: Men's view: The women's team runs and plays like a bunch of guys. (Note: women can be insulted for running like girls or guys.) The women play weaker competition.

Nobody cares about women's basketball. They never get dates. They're just trying to show up guys.

They're just trying to be like guys. They hate guys.

They whine on every touch foul. The worst men's team is better than the best women's team. We still play the prime-time game and they play the prelim. So what? It doesn't bother me.

Women's view: The men lose for the same reason that so many of them are bums in life. They are too individualistic, too much into showing off, too much into being macho, and not enough into doing the hard work it takes to succeed. They think it's uncool to actually care about their teammates as people. They don't really talk to each other. They want all the glory without any of the pain. They keep waiting for someone else to do their job. We succeed because we cooperate, care about each other, and work harder than the men, just like women always do.

There's more. But you get the idea.

This kind of tension does not always exist. Concordia has been fortunate to have suffered little of it in recent years. The men here have been some of the most avid fans of the women's team. And the women have been steadfast and loyal in their cheering for the men.

After the men's basketball team beat conference co-champ St. Thomas on Saturday, the Lady Cobber women were sincerely happy for the men, as friends, as athletes, and as peers. Then they asked how the hockey team did.

It was nice.

These pages are maintained by Jerry Pyle pyle@cord.edu. These articles are copyrighted © and may not be published or reproduced without the express permission of Jerry Pyle.

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