Woody Settles Baseball Strike

3-20-90

Perspective: Woody Settles Baseball Strike

It was a pretty good week for Cobber sports. Cobber athletes were making the transition to spring sports.

Except for a couple tennis matches, there was a lull in the schedule of events. And then Woody called to announce that there could indeed be a Cobber baseball season.

"Yo, Jer," he said, more serious than usual. "I think we can get this thing settled."

"Get what thing settled?" I asked.

"The Cobber baseball strike. I just need you to agree to a few things and we can make the final settlement announcement." Woody said.

Woody used to work with our sports information office as a student writer until the English Department demanded that all campus publications be written in complete sentences. Woody resigned in protest. He claimed that the new rule was just another example of how the snobbish Concordia faculty does not respect other cultures.

"Sports-talk is part of the Sports Culture," Woody said in his letter of resignation. "To take away our language is to commit genocide on our culture." Woody paid an English major to write his letter of resignation.

Not suprisingly, Woody drifted into being a baseball writer. Which is how he got involved in the Great Cobber Baseball Strike.

"I told the guys you and I were tight, so they hired me to be their negotiator," Woody said. Woody's grip on reality is marginal at best. "If you could just forget about your cute little Lady Cobber basketball team for a few minutes we could get something important resolved here, like whether there will be baseball at Cobberville this year. This thing has dragged on long enough. Too many people have been hurt already."

Woody was speaking with that tone of rightious- seriousness which labor negotiators always use. It turns out that the strike was entering its second day.

"What are the issues, Woody? And why are you talking to me instead of the AD or Bucky Burgau, the coach? I'm just the SID."

"The guys feel that you can talk to the AD and Bucky and get them to agree to our demands. They feel you must have a lot of clout if you can get away with writing that junk you put out each week. Besides, their first demand is about you anyway."

Let's hear 'em, Woody.

"OK, Number 1. No more than one `Perspective' per month on your Lady Cobbers. The guys are sick of 'em. Women's buckets isn't the national pastime anyway, baseball is."

Keep going, Woody.

"The guys are upset about Bucky's new rules on spitting and scratching. The guys say they won't really feel like real baseball players if they aren't allowed to scratch on themselves and spit. They like Bucky but they feel he's gone way overboard on this thing just because they're going to some Christian baseball tournament."

Burgau is in his twelfth year as the Cobbers' quite-successful baseball coach. He's taking the Cobbers to the 6-team Christian College Baseball Tournament in Florida on the 25th for their annual season-opening southern trip. I had heard rumors that he was going to emphasize up-right conduct on the trip. But I did not know he was considering such a drastic step as to forbid the players from scratching on themselves and spitting.

"Bucky's been under a lot of stress lately," I said, "Trying to make the cut for the trip has been hard on him. I'll talk to him. Besides, a no-scratching rule would really hurt our home attendance."

"Thank's, Jer. This really means a lot to the guys. But your mentioning of the cut brings up another issue. Too many good freshmen. The guys want Bucky to promise to bring in no more than six good freshmen each year. They see it as a job-security issue."

I told Woody this could be a serious sticking point.

Bucky knows baseball talent and really likes to win.

"How about if Bucky just agrees that the veterans can treat the freshmen like dirt?" I offered. "You know, the rookies would have to carry all the equipment and take insults from the upperclassmen. You can pitch high and inside to them in practice. That sort of stuff."

"The guys would really like that, Jer. You know how these baseball strikes are, Jer. They're not about money. The guys just want some respect. I think being allowed to treat the rookies like dirt would mean a lot to the guys. I think that could resolve this issue for now.

"That leaves us with just the Bible-study issue." Woody continued. "It seems that there are Bible studies on the itinerary for the trip to Florida. The guys feel that a spring trip to Florida and Bible studies don't really go together."

I admitted that it was a rather startling concept. One seldom hears college students raving about the great Bible studies they had on their spring trip to Florida.

"I know Bucky thinks a little Bible study would be good for the guys, Woody," I said. "He's always saying how baseball is the first sport mentioned in the Bible. `In the big inning...' and all that. How about a compromise? We leave the Bible studies on the itinerary but we focus on the Old Testament story of Lot. You know, the passages about all the drunkenness and debouchery in Sodom and Gommorrah."

"I know the story, Jer. I think the guys could get into that, being in Florida and all, even though the ending is a bit of a downer," Woody said. "We've got a deal then?"

"We've got a deal, Woody. Thanks for the call."

"No problem, Jer. Glad I could help."

These pages are maintained by Jerry Pyle pyle@cord.edu . These articles are copyrighted © and may not be published or reproduced without the express permission of Jerry Pyle.

Return to Perspectives Index Cobber Sports Home Page Concordia Home Page