Watching Daughters Play

12-1-92

It was a pretty good week for Cobber sports.

The men's basketball team picked up a win after the Thanksgiving break. Most of our athletes got at least a few days off to be with their families. And I had a chance to be a fan in the stands at a Lady Cobber basketball game, something I had never done. Or felt.

After six years as a woman's assistant and one year as head woman's coach, I'm back as an assistant again, this time with the men's team.

After seven years on the bench at Lady Cobber games, I'm now just an interested fan. For the first time, I felt far more like a father than a coach while watching the Lady Cobbers.

I had a part in recruiting most of the players on this team and grew to know them dearly, sometimes tumultuously, as their coach. I know their many strengths, a lot of their fears, and the depth of simple goodness in their hearts.

I know their families. I know how justifiably proud their parents are of these daughters, not just because they are good basketball players, but because of who they are as successful, gracious and caring young women.

During the game, I cheered the good plays, begged in prayer for shots to fall, ached in my heart as the lead slipped away, and wondered how I could help console and encourage these young friends of mine in what was sure to be their post-game sadness. They are already a better team than last year's. But they won't believe that tonight. Tonight there will be tears.

Watching the game, it was easy to take on the role of the father and forget the role of coach. I didn't know the plays on offense and I wasn't thinking about what defenses should be run. What coaching strategy I noticed was noticed after the fact, well thought out adjustments made by the bench while us fans were caught up in the ebb and flow of the action immediately before us. For coaches, it's more like chess. For parents, it's raw emotion.

Part of what makes it so easy to slip into the role of a parent/fan is the lack of any real tug at me to think like an ex-coach. Ex-coaches sometimes have a delicate road to walk. They can't be appearing to be looking over the shoulder of their successor as that successor takes "my" team and changes things. It's almost natural for an ex-coach to think, "I hope he/she does worse than me so people can see what a great coach I was." It's an ugly process to watch an ex-coach slip into that kind of second-guessing. And it happens a lot.

I can safely say that there is no such sentiment here, largely because the guy who took over, Bob Kohler, is, in my mind, a far better head coach, more experienced, a better communicator and blessed with a better perspective on winning and losing and why we play the games. And he's be a better recruiter.

He's also my good friend.

If ever there was a man deserving of success, it is Kohler. If ever there was a coach one could bet on being a success, it's Kohler.

But I digress. This isn't about coaching. It's about feeling like a dad at a women's basketball game.

It's about getting mad when someone from the other team hits one of my "daughters" and doesn't get caught. It's about the refs not seeing that the only reason my "daughter" missed that shot was because she got fouled.

It's about celebrating how hard they can work to win but lose and still knowing there is a whole lot more than just basketball going on in their lives.

It's about getting together with the other parents after the game and comparing notes on the common struggles our "daughters" go through, and proclaiming how sure we are they will see their way through each challenge, and each time come out a little wiser.

It was exhausting being a fan. I yelled so much I got a headache. I had to work to not cry when the game was over, so I could convey confidence about the future when my "daughters" came out of the locker room.

People often ask me now how it's different this year, coaching men rather than women. It's a very hard question to answer without, in some way, insulting at least one gender, and probably both. One answer that is both true and safe is this: coaching, no matter who you're coaching, or what sport you're coaching, can be fascinating, challenging and wonderful.

But there's also a lot to this thing about being a fan and cheering for your talented "daughters" when they're playing a game you've always loved, and playing it well.

See you at the next game. (Let's hope we get better refs.)

These pages are maintained by Jerry Pyle pyle@cord.edu. These articles are copyrighted © and may not be published or reproduced without the express permission of Jerry Pyle.

Return to Perspectives Index Cobber Sports Home Page Concordia Home Page